


I'm Still Sorry

by wherethereaintnofuture



Category: Glee
Genre: Brief mention of suicide attempt, Mentioned David Karofsky, Mentioned Hunter Clarington, Mentioned Kurt Hummel, Mentioned Nick - Freeform, POV Sebastian, Talk of Hospitals, brief but there, its hardly there but just be careful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-13 09:35:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28901235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wherethereaintnofuture/pseuds/wherethereaintnofuture
Summary: It had officially been one year since Sebastian had ruined the best thing that had ever happened to him. A year since he managed to push away the single person he wanted closer than anyone. A year since he threw that damned slushie.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel (mentioned), Blaine Anderson/Sebastian Smythe, Nick the Warbler & Sebastian Smythe, Unrequited Sebastian Smythe/Blaine Anderson implied
Comments: 6
Kudos: 19





	I'm Still Sorry

**Author's Note:**

> i dont know how i feel about this one. i hate the ending but overall i think its okay. 
> 
> pretend i posted this on the 28th i got impatient. 
> 
> as always please don't look too deeply into any inaccuracies. i did the best i could.

_Three._

_Two._

_One._

The quiet _click_ of the clock broke the silence of the room, signaling the change of date. January 28. A year. It had officially been one year since Sebastian had ruined the best thing that had ever happened to him. A year since he managed to push away the single person he wanted closer than anyone. A year since he threw that damned slushie. The boy groaned, tearing his gaze away from the clock he had been staring at intently for the last 10 minutes. 

Now staring at the ceiling, the boy thinks back to a time he seems to find himself often thinking about. Back before he fucked it up, he and Blaine had gotten close, much to Kurt’s disliking. Sebastian knew Kurt didn’t like him, which was fine, as neither did he, him. Nor did Kurt trust the tall man. However, he couldn’t bring himself to mind it too much. In fact, Sebastian found slight satisfaction in seeing Kurt writhe and grimace when the former spoke with Blaine or was in the general vicinity. He had to be doing something right for Kurt to deem him threatening. Sebastian and Blaine would message back and forth constantly, alternating between hangouts at the Lima Bean and Dalton, singing together behind closed doors. However, neither boy would admit it for obvious reasons. They had a good thing going until Sebastian pulled a Sebastian and just _had_ to mess it up. 

Technically, he hadn’t intended to hit Blaine, not in the slightest. He didn’t nearly blind the boy on purpose, which was a detail many seemed to forget, or simply ignore, preferring to blindly hate the man, no pun intended. Sure, the original plan wasn’t much better, not enough to make an argument, but still. Thinking back, Sebastian knew it was a shitty plan, not much of one at all. Yet, he was so overcome with stupid teenage lust and hormones and whatever the _feeling_ he got around Blaine was that it clouded his judgment. 

He remembers the moment he threw the slushie like it was yesterday; the memory burned into his brain so deeply he feared he’d have the scar forever. He remembers the arch of the slush as it neared its intended target, seeing Blaine running over, practically in slow motion. He wished he had the time to stop him or even warn him enough to minimize the damage. Remembers the sound the slush made as it hit the boy, the sound his body made as it hit the cement, and the terrible, _painful_ sounds that escaped his mouth. Blaine lay there on the cement, a pile of red slush beneath him as he writhed and wailed, clutching at his face. Sebastian hardly noticed his fellow Warblers’ reactions, nor those of the New Directions, it all fading into the background as he watched Blaine, feeling like a deer caught in headlights. His walls come crashing down if for only a moment, panic seeping through the cracks as he stares. Blaine always did that, questioned the integrity of his carefully constructed barriers, even now. _Especially_ now. This was the moment he knew he seriously fucked up, beyond repair. If they were anywhere but here, if it was any time but then, any other situation, he would’ve wanted to try and comfort the boy. Take Kurt’s place at Blaine’s side, try and ease the pain. God, he would’ve taken it for himself if he could’ve. 

It was only a few seconds, his eyes glued to this boy on the ground, though it felt like hours, before a Warbler to his side pulled him out of his own head, forcing Sebastian to put himself together. Quickly, Sebastian looks away, his eyes meeting Nick’s, the boy’s face projecting what he knew they were all feeling, before the group scurries away, helpless. Later, the boys would fear Blaine thought they’d just abandoned him. _Did they?._

Sebastian remembers Nick finding him through the chaos, approaching him when they made it back to Dalton. The latter had questioned him, what happened, what they were going to do. Of course, Sebastian had no idea, too preoccupied with Blaine’s sobs of pain playing on repeat in his mind to think too hard about how to continue on with their lives. Quickly ending that conversation and somehow managing to avoid any others, Sebastian escaped to his dorm room. He paced the floor of his room for hours, his mind running in circles somehow both too wide and too narrow, too slow and too fast to keep up with. Any slither of hope that had remained of successfully stealing Blaine away vanished the moment the slush left its cup, and he knew that. 

Sebastian also knew he needed to apologize and that if he had any hope of fixing this, he needed to go about it carefully. So, another few hours were spent glaring at the screen of his phone, drafting and deleting and drafting again and deleting messages, not wanting to come off too strong, but at the same time needing to make it clear just how sorry he was. Having made no progress, he threw the device across the room, the muffled hit against the carpet echoing throughout the quiet room. After a moment of wallowing, Sebastian made the impulse decision to go to the hospital himself and apologize to the boy in person, figuring that would make it more personal. Realizing it was well into the night now, he decided that he would have to wait until morning. 

After a mostly sleepless night, Sebastian had gotten up the next morning with serious second doubts about going to the hospital. What if Blaine doesn’t want to see him? What if he doesn’t accept the apology? What if he only hurts Blaine _more_? What if Hummel has bodyguards at the door for this exact reason? The last one was a bit of a stretch, but anything is possible with them. Miraculously, Sebastian had actually made it to the hospital later that day, despite his worries. A wave of relief hit when he saw the lack of security at the door, and he pushed himself further in. It wasn’t until he actually saw Blaine that all his doubts came rushing back. 

There he laid, still beautiful as ever against the bleak whiteness of the hospital bed. His hair was more free than usual, unable to reapply the gel he so generously wore, a few loose curls lying against his forehead. The boy was asleep, the slow rise and fall of his chest all too reassuring to the Warbler that he hadn’t done an unspeakable amount of damage. That reassurance dissipated when he saw the bandage covering his right eye. The already all too familiar shame and regret of what he had done returned, and Sebastian couldn’t bring himself to stay any longer, couldn’t bring himself to follow through. Sebastian Smythe, chickening out. A laughable offense. 

That day at the hospital was the last time he would see Blaine until Regionals. A few days later, he did finally muster up the courage to text the boy to apologize. This was followed up by a few more messages throughout the weeks, even attempting to call him once, to which he was given the cold shoulder. It wasn’t until he saw the boy before Regionals, after Dave Kyrofski’s recent attempt, that he was able to apologize in person and get any sort of response. Needless to say, that didn’t go over too well. 

Over the year that followed, he had begun to make an actual effort in changing himself, trying to right his wrongs. Of course, he had his slip-ups; he wasn’t perfect and never would come close, but he was trying. After a few months of limited interactions, communicating through brief text conversations, and many apologies from Sebastian’s side, Blaine had forgiven him. That alone felt like a boulder hoisted off his shoulder. While Blaine had eventually rid of any lasting resentment towards Sebastian, his boyfriend hadn’t, leaving little hope for any sort of friendship between the two. Things never quite returned to the way they were, something Sebastian would make sure remind himself was his own doing. 

Now, a full year later, a lot has changed, though, not much has for Blaine and Sebastian, not at much as the latter would’ve hoped, at least. Blaine and Kurt had broken up, a development Sebastian was all too happy about. A new captain had taken over the Warblers, forcing Sebastian to step down. He supposed this could be a good thing, him not being in charge lessening the chances of a slushy repeat. That was until said captain had them all on steroids for Sectionals, and _Trent_ all but jumped at the opportunity to snitch. Though, if Hunter had done anything right, it was giving Sebastian the chance to see and sing with Blaine again, a chance he hadn’t gotten in a while. 

Doing ‘My Dark Side’ with Blaine gave insight into what Dalton’s legend was like in Dalton, and Sebastian adored it. When Blaine turned down the offer to transfer back to Dalton, rejoin the Warblers, Sebastian couldn’t help but fear it was because of him. Sure, Blaine claimed to have forgiven him, claimed he had no hard feelings, _forgive and forget, you know?_ But Sebastian saw the way his eyes lit up when the jacket came on, the way he so effortlessly performed with the Warblers, his brothers, the way he fit like a missing puzzle piece, so perfectly. He couldn’t imagine he would just give that up, especially for the dumpster fire that was McKinley, if he wasn’t still wary of Sebastian. Not that he blamed him. 

He continued to do enough of that himself for the both of them.

That brought him to now, lying in his bed at Dalton. Forcing himself up and out of his own thoughts, he reaches over for his phone, opening up his and Blaine’s chat that had been idle for a few weeks. No matter how many times he claimed he did, Blaine would never truly get how sorry he was, just how deeply he regretted the fucked up shit he had done. Sebastian would always remind him. 

**Sebastian:** I’m still sorry. _sent 12:25 a.m._


End file.
